It can be a real Rat-race out there in the working world. If you’re stressed at work, there are good reasons to take time off and there are TERRIBLE excuses for not showing up. Here are a few of the worst (which by default, makes them the “best”) excuses we’ve ever heard!

According to Careerbuilder, 27% (in 2006) of Managers fired someone for having illegitimate excuses for their absenteeism. It looks like your perpetual search for an alibi might land you some permanent time off!

Top 5 worst excuses (drum roll please)…

#5 - My grandparent died. Again.

If you’re going to fake it, rule number 1 is to remember the excuses you’ve used before. If your grand parent died last year, and you resurrect that excuse on the sunniest day of the year, chances are your career has one foot in the grave.

#4 - No shirt, no shoes, no job.

We had placed a bright young woman at the job of her dreams, only to have it abruptly end in a nightmare. When this young lady didn’t show up for work, we tried for days to reach her. When she finally resurfaced, we asked her why she had gone awol. Her reply: “I couldn’t find my good shoes.” Needless to say, she was told to hit the pavement.

#3 - My dog ate my bus pass

City Transit is no excuse for absenteeism. Everyone else finds their way to work, and so should you. When asked why an employee was absent from work the previous day, she told us that City Transit didn’t service her area of town anymore. She lived downtown.

#2 - Mr. Poopy Pants

I suppose if you’re trying to shock your manager into NOT asking questions, you can try this one: “I can’t come in to work today - I’ve run out of clean underwear.” No one wants you to come in without clean underwear. But if this one backfires, you might soil your reputation.

#1 - This one isn’t ours, but its the most elaborate scheme of all:

From Yahoo Answers, Online - author “Musicman”

“One evening, my friends and I were hanging out and I was getting ready for work. They wanted me to hang out with them later that night and asked if I could take the night off. I told one of my friends, that I was gonna call my boss, and that once I pointed to him, he had to yell out some random hospital in town. Before I made the call, I ran around the block really hard (to give the out-of-breath effect) then called my boss. By the time he picked up, I could hardly speak and sounded panicky. My boss said, ‘Slow down, what’s going on!’ I kept repeating, ‘It’s me, It’s me, I cannot come in, (panting for air).’ Then I said out loud away from the phone but with my boss still listening, ‘Where? Where? Huh, huh’ then pointed at my friend and he yelled out some random hospital. My boss realized something was wrong and told me, ‘Do what you need to do, I got you covered. Just give me a call back and let me know the details.’ My friends told me that I was silly and thought I deserved an Oscar for my acting skills.”

Ya, right.

OK, some of us can admit we sometimes get a little too serious about our jobs at times. And we’ll go on record saying some of these excuses gave us belly aches (ahhh, but we laughed later…). But in the end the moral of the story is this: Honesty is the best policy - employers are more understanding these days of your need to take an extra day off to recharge your batteries. Just be sure its ONE day, not one day every other week.
Employers can become lactose-intolerant when it comes to milking them for too many days off!

Steve Baldwin is CEO of Officejobs.com. With dual head offices in Canada, Officejobs.com serves reputable employers nationally. Expert recruiters provide insight and advice to employers and job seekers alike, combining advanced online recruitment technologies with old fashioned wisdom. Officejobs.com is the Job Board - Made Great by the Best Recruiters Ever!